Fact: If both parents bring their child to church throughout their youth, the child is 72% more likely to continue attending church as an adult.

Harder Facts: If only the father brings the child to church, the child is only 55% as likely. With the mother, 15%.

Hardest Fact: If neither parent brings the child to church, the child is less than 3% likely to ever go to church or continue going to church as an adult.

I included this to impress on you the impact a parent has on their childs’ spiritual upbringing, but before I actually get into the role that church plays in this whole equation we need to talk about the beginning of it all – A household that is led by God. This isn’t exclusively how often you read the Bible to your children, or having the Fruits of the Spirit painted on your living room wall. It begins way before children, and possibly even before marriage.

The core of a spiritual household is the amalgamation of faith from a man and a woman that are walking daily with God, and frankly it is pretty simple. If the walk is strong the core is strong, if the walk is weak, well… You get out what you put in. This core cannot be carried by 1 spouse/parent either. It takes a commitment on both parts to reinforce the whole (1 Corinthians 11:11-12).

In this commitment, the two make certain that they are aligned with God individually, and that their marriage is aligned also with God. This takes it beyond a commitment and into the realm of responsibility and accountability – and not something to be taken lightly. I will commit a separate article about building a Godly marriage, but here I will say a husband and wife should be praying, reading the Bible, and communicating daily on their faith walk, affirming to one another that they are fixed on God and living their part in the marriage in alignment with His scripture and will.

Now, the time between marriage and childbirth will vary, but let’s say for this sake that your first child arrives one year into marriage. In this year you should be expanding on conversations from your dating days about raising a family and building up the values you want to see them raised in. Much of this has less to do with all of the things you’re not going to let them do, and more about the things you need to prepare yourselves to guide them through. It is easy on paper to raise the perfect child by locking them up from the world and throwing away the key. The world is all around them just as it is for you. You can shield and shelter as much as you please, but there will still be questions, hard conversations, and heartbreak over the way the world tries to influence them. You both must be prepared for this. The best form of protection you can offer them will be a Godly household with a Godly community, and you can start building both before they arrive.

The roles should be made clear: Fathers you must set the example and LIVE BY that example. You are the head of the household, which means you are obligated to shoulder the responsibility of your household. In Genesis 3 when Eve got Adam to eat the apple the Lord didn’t go after Eve. He held Adam accountable for their actions because He had entrusted Adam with the directive. You must humble yourself before God and ask Him to help you uphold a standard that will be impossible to display consistently on your own. Mothers you must submit to your husband’s leadership. You must hold him accountable to live by the example he is supposed to set, and show your children how to respect that example. Do not compromise his authority, but be willing to speak lovingly into his life when he is not in alignment with scripture or with Godly values.

NONE OF THIS WILL BE POSSIBLE IF YOU AREN’T INDIVIDUALLY FOUNDED IN CHRIST, AND IF YOUR MARRIAGE ISN’T FOUNDED IN CHRIST!

If you don’t establish these fundamentals before you have children, the minute something comes up that you disagree on there will be a fallout. Because after all, why should you suddenly start communicating and agreeing on parenting roles and values if you never did before in your marriage?! You won’t and the division could be catastrophic.

Your community will play a large part in your child’s upbringing as well, and that includes your friends and extended families. You have to be able to be honest with each other about the surroundings you bring your child into in these certain circles, being prepared to cut or dial back friendships or relationships that would negatively impact them. This doesn’t mean go diss all of your friends because you have a kid now. (However, I will say one of the top issues young parents have is accepting the fact that their friendships and other relationships are no longer a priority, and free time is a thing of the past.) The people you do want your child to be around should pour positively into their lives. You’re going to hurt some feelings and make some people mad as you start to evaluate these relationships, but this is all the more reason why your marriage should be aligned and communicating toward what you believe is God’s will for your family.

As your children grow you will face different series of obstacles. When they are younger it’s more about questions and curiosity. As they get older it’s more about challenges and understanding. You and your spouse must remain consistent throughout. When you’re uncertain go to God, His Word, and each other and come out unified. Be patient with one another, as you are both prone to make mistakes and fall out of alignment. Like I said – It takes a commitment on both parts to reenforce the whole. This means that from time to time one of you is going to need the other to hold them up. One of you is going to catch an attitude or make a mistake. Out of love, you will both need each other to ensure the household is Godly and stable. Be ready to uplift one another, and let God work actively in your lives for the growth and success of your family.

I would be remiss if I did not include the obvious things (i.e. read the Bible and pray daily, be sensitive to what you allow your children to watch, know who their hanging out with), and these are ALL things I wholeheartedly believe in. But I wanted the conversation around founding a Godly household to go just a little bit deeper. “Train up your child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6) Use scripture to help your children understand the questions they have to life, and back them with the example you set for how to live it out. Be patient with them the way God has been patient with you. Pray with them and over them. Discipline out of love, and never frustration or anger. Understand that you are both still growing in Godliness. You just had a little bit of a head start.